Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
