Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
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Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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