she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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