I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
