Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
