the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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