yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
