she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
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Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
All I want is dick and wine.
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