Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
