So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
