so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
