these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize