If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Can you bring me the toilet please
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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