I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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