Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
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She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
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A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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