Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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