I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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