At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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