oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
