My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
