and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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