She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
