We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
