her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
