She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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