can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
