watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I seem to have left my pride at pride
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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