Your dad touched me again.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Dignity is for republicans.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She bit a glass in half.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
