I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
