ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
