How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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