He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
