i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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