Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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