I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
