there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
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He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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