i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We had sex on a dog bed..
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
