just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
