How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize