You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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