Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize