Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
