Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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