I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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