thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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