I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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