New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I intend to get homeless drunk
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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