OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
