This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
