covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
