On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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