i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
