Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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