I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
