This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
