Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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