Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
