Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize