therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
