There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You made out with two different species that night
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
