a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Found your dick twin last night
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
