8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The air was thick with penises
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
